What Women Deserve
This is an awkward time. This is an awkward time to be a Black woman. I cannot speak on anything before 1999. Cash Money was taking over and that seemed like a good time. We milly rocked and snapped our way into being carefree and confident. We had passports and were open to love, but we were not dying on the cross. White Jesus already did that. We were living in a post-racial society, or whatever Fox News said.
Change is constant, but there is a significant difference between change and a strong backhand across your face. To say that there was a backlash to the Obama years would be an understatement. Uncontrolled fear and wrath started to grow as soon as 2010, but depending on where you were and what you looked like, it may not have grabbed you by the throat until much later.
Fast-forward to 2018, and I am seeing racism, colorism, and misogynoir in a new light. I endured some of the most disgusting interviews I've ever had, I received some of the most ridiculous "compliments" I had ever heard, and found very little peace. To be clear, I am not biracial and wouldn't pass anything but another driver on the road on one of my bad attitude days. The simple truth of it is that some Black people have, are, and always will be sheltered to certain things as long as they stay in their place. People also like to pretend like being sheltered doesn't feel good. I'm here to say that it does, and if I had kids I'd probably do it too.
Earlier in 2022 we were encouraged to "be delusional." I would argue that Black women in America always have been. To participate in a system that actively works against you EVERY DAY is the pure definition of crazy and delusional. We are all constantly trying to "beat the odds" and burnout. We love people unconditionally who don't love us. We protect people who wouldn't suffer an inconvenience for us. Then, when faced with the fierce realization that the times have changed, we are forced to make difficult decisions. It is truly ironic that Meghan Markle ended up marrying a literal prince because she didn't believe her race had any real bearing on her reality, but is now facing the fact that people hate to see her as a Black royal. People are saying her mother didn't prepare her, but how far should her mother have gone?
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| Embracing the storm like... Photo Credit: Ian Kiragu |
It took me nearly three years, but I realized that I've been in a fierce cycle of self-preservation and grief. My therapist told me the truth about walls that are meticulously build and carefully guarded - they will keep the bad things out, but they will keep good things out too.
If you are the company you keep, I've been having full-out Broadway shows with me, myself, and I. Professional Black Barbie comes out at 9am on Monday. Her accessories include a 14" kinky straight wig with the bangs and Warby Parker glasses. By Wednesday after 6pm, the wannabe "Soft Life" girlie comes out for a riveting number about her shopping and sugar addiction. "Gym fit baddie" has decided to make a special appearance on Thursdays to fight diabetes. "Chef BAE" and "TikTokking Tina" make a lot of draft videos and IG posts on the weekend. Special features on the soundtrack include Burna Boy, Masego, Donna Summer, The Carters, and Lizzo. Cut to the scene where she dreams of being in love and takes extremely long showers...
This is an awkward time. It is a controversial time to be a Megan/Meghan/Meaghan/Meagan, Michelle, Lauren, Ashley, and any other Eurocentric girl name that your parents gave you to get to the interview. Our parents told us we could do anything and be anything, but they didn't tell us exactly what all me might have to sacrifice. Our ancestors walked (literally marched), so we could run - or so we thought. I think we still have to jog, but maybe with a soft "J." It may be pronounced yogging. I still don't know.
The older I get, the more I find myself managing expectations and disappointment. It's not all bad because there's Klarna, but I'm tired. Women do, in fact, deserve everything without strain. Black women desrver protection. We just may be a few generations off. I'm writing this to myself to keep hope and to hold on to love. I am posting this to let you know that if you're a woman, if you're a Black woman and you're tired, you're not alone.
-Pretty Jane